Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A very different pregnancy

This pregnancy has been very different than any of the others. I'm not just talking about how I feel physically this time around, which has been a daily adventure, but my mental state has also been very different. I was trying to articulate the difference to Eric the other day when I said, "I completely aware that I'm pregnant, but I seem to forget that I'm having a baby."

Does that make any sense at all? I think life has been so insanely busy lately that I've hardly had the opportunity to relish the idea of a new baby. I can recite the litany of pregnancy symptoms that I have been dealing with, but I have barely given a moment's thought to names or godparents or what it will be like to hold a newborn once again. I feel guilty because I often forget that there is a child, a living soul, residing in my belly. In previous pregnancies, I was much more aware of the life growing within me (I'm now almost 17 weeks along).

I hope that these feelings will change soon. I'm now feeling Button move, which is a wonderful reminder of the baby in my belly. Also, I'm beginning to look forward to school starting again and our lives falling into more of a routine. I don't think we'll be any less busy, in fact as meetings and organizations begin again we will get even busier, but there will once again be a predictable rhythm to our days. I'll be able to look forward to quiet times in my day where I can think and plan, anticipate and pray. I think I just need to a little time to myself so that I can fall in love with this precious, new baby.

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