Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Reflections on pregnancy #4

I'm at almost 37 weeks gestation now and Button will be here before we know it. For various reasons, I don't believe my body nor my doctor will allow Button to wait until the due date (January 8th). I'm fully expecting a new baby in our house before the end of the year. So, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect over this fourth pregnancy that will soon come to an end.

This pregnancy has been very different than any of my others. But, I guess that is the norm. Just like every child is unique, their individual journeys into this world are different. For starters, this pregnancy has gone be very quickly. I might not have agreed with that statement in the early weeks of nausea and exhaustion, but it is true. Life has been very busy since we first found out about Button last May. Most of the busyness could be considered normal for a family of 5, but then we added selling a house, a move and a massive bedbug infestation. Our days and weeks have been very full, especially lately with all the holiday preparations thrown into the mix.

I've also been much more fatigued this pregnancy. The first trimester exhaustion has continued throughout the entire pregnancy. Looking back, I think I really should have talked to my doctor about it because at times the fatigue really has been extreme. Maybe I've been dealing with low iron or some other condition that the doctor could have helped alleviate. Instead, I got frustrated and upset with myself for how unproductive I have been when in reality I just wasn't physically capable of anything more. I need to learn when to say "uncle".

So, with all the busyness and fatigue, I feel like I have done very little preparation for Button. I've hardly been able to anticipate and ponder this new little one. I've put much less time and energy than normal into picking out names (which still isn't done), prepping baby supplies or just imagining what it will be like to hold a newborn once again. If you walked into my house right now, you would see virtually no evidence that a new little one is expected soon. That's so different than when I was expecting my first when practically everything was ready (including diapers and wipes bought and little sleepers hanging in the closet) months before Jonathan was born. I feel like Button has been cheated a little.

Finally, I have found myself much less tolerant this time around. That is, less tolerant of other people's opinions of when the baby will be born, what the gender will be, if I'm carrying high or low or if my belly is extremely large or surprisingly small for my number of weeks gestation. I smile and reply kindly, but sometimes I have to almost physically bite my tongue. The worst is some family members who repeatedly explain to me the exact date that will be most convenient for them for the baby to be born. Personally, I want Button to arrive exactly when God wills it, not a moment sooner or later regardless of the date on the calendar. I'm generally a patient person, but with crazy hormones, excessive fatigue, and feeling like everyone is rushing Button's arrival that I'm not ready for, that patience is being sorely tested.

Please pray for me. Pray that we have a peaceful Christmas, a healthy and safe delivery and a joyful experience of welcoming our newest little one into the world. Please pray that other people will be considerate of me, my needs, and my desires for Button's birth and that I can be calm, relaxed and patient. We have so much to be thankful for this Christmas season and I don't want to lose sight of that.


Jody said...

Will be praying. And I can't wait to hear about your new arrival!

Take care.

Colleen said...

Thank you, Jody! :)