Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I don't seem to be posting much lately and when I have it seems like it has taken a lot of effort to make it happen. I'm behind on reading my favorite blogs and so many great posts have deserved comments but I haven't left any. I think the reason is that I am just tired. There is no doubt, however, as to why I am so tired. My beautiful baby is also a rather difficult one. Not only is he not making much progress on the eating front, but he also isn't sleeping well. He used to sleep very well. At least he did until his long bout with illness in January and February. Since then he has been waking 3 or 4 times a night and is very difficult to get to sleep for naps. Usually I have to nurse him to sleep and then he'll only stay asleep if he continues to nurse through the entire nap. I feel like I have a newborn rather than an almost one year old and I don't know how to make it better.

So, please excuse my only sporadic appearances in the blogosphere these days. And, if you have a moment, offer a little prayer for me. Any prayers for patience, wisdom or fortitude would be greatly appreciated!


veronica said...

Prayers from the Middle East....hoping it gets better soon!

Lillian said...

You're in my prayers too! I find the hardest age for feeding and sleeping to be around the 8-10 mos. period. My little ones learn to crawl and no longer find staying on their backs to be any fun. And they'd rather be nosy than eat. Their little hands are more coordinated and would rather hit the spoon than let it enter their mouths. And they know can tell when you leave a room (or a bed). They've become aware of their surrounding and they're just no longer the docile little baby that does what you want! LOL!

But they're also cuter and funnier. And while this stage can be hard on momma, they really don't do it to us on purpose! While its tiring to have to keep nursing him down and staying in bed with him, take it as a compliment that he just loves you that much. And while he might seem needy now, one day he will be this big man who no longer will! :-(

As for the eating ..... hmmmmmm, I don't suppose giving him ice cream all the time will do. Does he like any of the kiddy snacks like cheerios? Maybe its not the taste of the food, but the texture of it? Isabelle never did like baby food. She would gag on cheerios. And most of her food landed on me rather than on her. I wish I had written things down and could remember who it all worked out. But it did!

I do remember her loving green breans from the can. And so we started giving her steamed carrots pieces and green beans and little pear slices, etc. But she was a heavy nurser (weaned when she was 1 month over 3 yo) and I did nap with her forever. She was my highest need baby. ALL my parenting and baby books were bought while she was little!! LOL!

And know she is my most extroverted and independent!! I guess while its tiring, I would encourage you not to be afraid to give as much of yourself as you can bear. For some reason he just want you! Even it means starving himself! LOL!

Praying for you, dear Colleen!

Lillian said...

I really should proofread my comments. Substitute all my "know's" with "now" and it should read better!


Colleen said...

Thank you so much Veronica and Lillian!

Lillian, you're words of experience are so comforting to me!! I do good for a while with being patient through his fussiness, endless nursing, and not eating, and then I get tired and I start to wonder if the reason he's being so difficult is because I'm doing something wrong. That's sounds so silly now that I type it out, but that's really how I feel. I start to question my mothering abilities. It's such a comfort to know that it is not just me! I feel so, so much better after reading your words!

We've tried lots of different flavors and textures with him. He doesn't seem to go for anything. He has started watching us more when we eat and a few times he has kind of licked at his food. I think those are good signs! We've even tried the ice cream again, one time he rejected it and one time he ate a little. We have noticed that he is more willing to try things if Eric feeds it to him. He only wants Mommy's milk from me (and lots of it!). I do worry sometimes that his fussiness is because my milk just isn't enough for him anymore, that he just needs more food. But, he's still gaining weight in a healthy manner, so I guess that's probably not the case.

Anyway, thank you for all of your support!

Jody said...

Oh, Colleen, when I first read this I thought you were about to tell us you were tired because you were pregnant!!!

I will be praying for you - that Gustin sleeps better and starts to eat solid foods. My little one was sleeping through the night before Christmas but since then his nights are not predictable. It seems like he has had a cold since January. It cleared up for a while these past few weeks but now he is stuffy again along with the rest of the family - myself included. So some nights he will sleep through the entire night, some nights he will wake up once, twice, or even three times. I know he doesn't really need to nurse but that is the quickest way to get him back to sleep. Some nights I know he just wants to see me because he is not interested in nursing but he doesn't want to be held or rocked either. So on those nights no matter how much I don't like to do it I have let him cry (but I don't let him cry for more then 20 minutes). The exhaustion just takes over. He almost always falls back to sleep within that time. I have even been known to crawl into his crib with him and nurse him! I tell myself that I am his favorite person (because it is true:)) - on one particular night I was cranky, tired, and pouting as I walked up the stairs to his room "not again" I thought but as soon as I opened his door he took a deep breath and sighed as if to say "finally mommy your here." When I heard that and saw him all of my crankiness went away. I picked him up and loved him. I know those days will not be forever. And one day I know he will not 'need' me like he does now and I'm sure I will miss it. It is amazing how God gives us mothers the energy we need to do what we do. I know it will get better!

I'm sorry I can't help you in the eating area. Have you tried giving him canned or jarred fruit? My boys just love fruit and maybe the sweetness would get him to eat. I'm sure you are trying everything.

...well my little one just woke up...

Colleen said...


That's too funny! You are right, that post does seem like it's prepping everyone for a pregnancy announcement doesn't it!

I've tried letting him cry himself to sleep and so far it hasn't worked. He will cry for a very, very long time even when I know he is completely exhausted and his belly is full of milk. He just won't give it up. But, most of the time he also cries just as loud if I try to hold him and soothe him. That's when I get really frustrated because no matter what I do he cries. I would have thought I would be better at this after three kids!

You and Lillian are so right, though. They're only this little for a short time and it is so special to be loved and needed so much. I need to change my attitude about it and see these challenges as a blessing as well.

Thank you so much for your comments!

Jill said...

"...I thought I would have been better at this after three kids..."

Ha! I love that line in your response to Jody's comment. I don't think mothers every really perfect childrearing because each child is so different. But, somehow I still managed to get four night wakers. My boys didn't sleep through the night until they were about one. Henry is still getting up about three times a night. And, like you, I am quite worn out. He mostly sleeps in his crib now (sometimes with us for the last few hours), and when he wakes up to nurse I sit on the hard concrete floor to nurse him so that I won't accidentally fall asleep and drop him.
Anyway, I have actually found that my body has adjusted to this somewhat. When I do get a little stretch of sleep it is SO deep. And, I also find that if I get a stretch of sleep that's 3-4 hours I am happy. Talk about a perspective switch.
OH, and my little Henry hates eating 'real' food too. He makes the worst face at anything I offer...

Ok. I am totally rambling and probably not offering any encouragement. Probably from being a sleep deprived mommy! ;)

What do you say all of us mommies just pray for each other? I have to admit that although I wish sleep for everyone, it does feel a bit comforting to know that I'm not the only mommy up nursing all night! :) Jody, I thought of the pregnancy thing too!

And don't worry about leaving comments on our blogs. We know you're thinking of us. And we're thinking of you.

Colleen said...

Wow, these comments are awesome! This is SOOOOO what I need to hear!

You are right, there is some comfort knowing that other moms are up all night nursing their babies, too. Thank you so much for your prayers and you are most definitely in mine!

One of my biggest problems is that I can't seem to get Gustin to sleep in his crib, neither at night nor during naps. I nurse him to sleep then when I try to lay him down in his crib he immediately wakes up and starts screaming. I've tried letting him cry for a while, I've tried patting him, singing to him, ignoring him, but no matter what I do he refuses to sleep in his crib. So, during the day he sleeps on me while I sit in the recliner or I'll nurse him to sleep on my bed. He's in bed with us all night long. The few times we have actually gotten him to sleep in his crib for a few hours I have slept so well! If he's in bed with us I tend to sleep very lightly. I'm always worried about where he is and if the pillows and blankets are too close to his face, etc. Ok, now I'm the one rambling. :)

Thank you so much for your supporting comments!

Christine said...

I'm so late, I read this back when you posted it, and am just getting back to responding.

I'll say prayers. Clare was a rotten sleeper - and now sleeps like a brick. She wouldn't take naps unless she was in a sling or physically in my arms in bed (if in bed, she had to have my breast in her mouth or she'd wake up. It was intense. Then she weaned at 19 months (the 6am nursing was the last to go) and pretty much since then slept well.

Gregory's a little better, but I still expect to get up with him at night at least once. Many prayers - it seems like when you're sleep deprived that it will never end.

Oh yeah - I did find with Gregory that some times he wakes up and cries but actually gets angrier when I pick him up. He's trying to go to sleep and doesn't want me. Usually our sign is that if he's standing up he wants me, and if he's laying down crying he's trying to soothe himself. But it would baffle me when I would pick him up and he would start fighting me, screaming even louder.

Colleen said...

Yes, Gustin sounds exactly like Clare was. Did she not start sleeping better until she weaned?

Lillian said...

You know, a good book about nursing the older baby is called, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.

One thing she said that really stuck with me was something like the following:

"[to the toddler] Nursing is like sitting down to have a nice cup of tea with your favorite person."

Nursing is so much than just nutrition when they get older. In fact, I think older babies appreciate it more than little ones because its about that bonding and forming a relationship with you. And it is their absolute favorite thing to do. And you are their favorite person.

I started reading this book when Isabelle was 2 yo. She was still nursing strong and I was exhausted & pregnant with Anna.

It put things in perspective for me.

Colleen said...

Thanks, Lillian! I need to check that book out.