Cooking in the Sandbox

We recently visited Eric's hometown for the birthday party of his triplet niece and nephews. I love weekends in Eric's hometown. It's small, quiet community and we always leave feeling renewed and refreshed.

My kids, of course, love visiting grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles but I love that they spend most of their time outside in my in-laws wonderful backyard. Tree swings, sandboxes and pogo sticks are the main sources of entertainment. Sunshine and fresh air abound.

And simple toys. Like old pots and pans in the sandbox. The kids absolutely love them, much more than the plastic shovels and pails in our own sandbox at home.

The way kids' imaginations explode after being handed a pot, a pan, a serving spoon, and a big pile of sand blows my mind. To find such joy in simple things . . . such a blessing.

And a sun slowly sinking in the autumn sky with delicious, soft, golden light . . . more beautiful blessings.

There are some moments in life when your heart just about bursts with gratitude and all you can do is savor the moment by expanding your lungs with a deep breath and then exhaling a most sincere, "Thank you, Lord."

Just the Pics

Is it bad if I write a post where I don't really write anything?

Because, at this moment, I don't have much to say. At least, I don't have much time to say what I would like to say, nor the pictures to go with it. 

So this post is just the pics from a lovely day spent with family, celebrating the birthdays of two adorable nieces.

This amazing swing in my sister-in-law's backyard cried out to me, begging me to set a cute child on it, capture it on film (well, actually, on an SD card) and then show it off to the world (hopefully my little corner of the blogosphere will do). 

And I was happy to oblige.

Happy swing. Happy Clara. Happy Colleen.

The Sweet Life

I am a mess of contradictions.

I love slow-paced days with lots of book reading, stopping to smell the flowers and giving the kids plenty of time for imaginative play. I also am task driven and work best--and seem to be happiest--when I check off all the items on my to-do list and keep my family to some semblance of a schedule. At the same time, I'm a terribly untidy person and hate housework (or at least I hate doing it with the kids around, it's not so bad if I'm left alone to focus) so I struggle with the daily tasks (even though they are on my task list) required to keep our home from being declared a trash dump instead of a habitation fit for human beings.

 
The result is that I focus too much on my task list without actually getting much done, I feel guilty about taking time to read or to gaze at the wonders in my own garden, and I am constantly annoyed by the the rooms of my home being littered with child-created debris.

 

All that introduction establishes the importance of the following statement: This week I took the time to watch the thunderstorms roll in--I so love a good summer thunderstorm--and allowed the kids romp and play in the puddles for as long as they wanted... and I did not feel guilty about the untended task list for a single second.

Life is a constant push/pull between what is important and what is urgent, between what I want to do and what I think I should be doing. And, frankly, I find it mentally exhausting.

But for this one day there was no interior debating or counting how many tasks were left undone.

We just had some good, old-fashioned (guilt-free) fun.

Well, hello!

It's been a little while. We're all good around here, just enjoying the lovely spring weather with lots of time playing outdoors (for the kids) and going on long walks with a camera in tow (for me).

Texas Mountain Laurel

Spring is my absolute favorite time of year. Nothing thrills me more than little green shoots poking out of the ground, leaves unfurling, and fresh spring flowers. The beginning of spring lifts my mood like few things can and I'm reveling in the delight of it all.

Crimson clover

Wildflowers are tops on my list of spring time favorites. I love road trips at this time of year when I can ogle all the lovely colors just outside my car window. I think Eric and the kids get tired of me pointing out every pretty patch of coreopsis or blue bonnets or Indian blankets along the Texas roadsides. I just can't help myself!

I go a bit shutter crazy this during springtime as well. I give my camera and photoshop a real workout. While when it comes to portraits I usually try to keep my edits fairly clean and true to life, when it comes to wildflower pictures I let my inner editor go a bit crazy. I love playing with colors and tones and textures--wildflower photos are the perfect canvas.

I'm slowly identifying the wildflowers in my area. I've checked out half a dozen different books from the library at various times and scoured pages and pages of images online trying to discover the name of each one. The name of the little blue guy above still eludes me.

Indian blanket

Verbena

Others have become good friends.

Persian clover

Blue-eyed grass

Bristle-leaf dyssodia

Thank you, Lord, for the beauty and diversity of springtime.

An Introvert's Dream Come True

Note: As an exercise to force me to grow photographically, I took all the pictures in this post with a 24mm prime lens (wide angle with no zoom). Roll over the photos with you mouse to see the unedited versions.

At this moment I am sitting in a perfectly quiet, empty house. And, it is heavenly.

After an unexpected series of events early Wednesday morning, I picked up the older two kids from school that afternoon and drove a couple of hours to drop all four of them off with Eric's parents (their school has an extended spring break starting today). All of a sudden, I have 48 hours all to myself. It's not often that a mother truly gets a couple of days off, and I intend to take full advantage of it.

I'm also excited for my kids; they are getting some quality time with their grandparents, something that I really didn't experience as a child. But, I have to admit, I'm a bit anxious as well. I always worry about my kids when there away from me. One of my worst fears is that something would happen to them without me being there, so this is a big exercise in trust. To help me through it I have the Blessed Mother on speed dial.

But, as an extreme introvert, I'm reveling in the quiet and solitude. This morning I lingered over my prayers, slowly ate breakfast on the front porch while reading blogs on my kindle and went for a long walk before this afternoon's rains. Today has been so renewing, body, mind and soul.

I do miss my kids, of course. But, I so needed some silence. Of course, if I didn't daily experience the great energy and noise of my children, these quiet days wouldn't be nearly so sweet. So, my children continue to bless me even if they are not physically with me.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to going to daily mass (and actually listening to the readings and homily!), doing some organizing and a decorating project (photos to come), and hopefully more blogging and lots of photo editing. I'm trying to squeeze in all the things I love that I find difficult to do with the kids around. I do not plan to clean anything unless it's absolutely necessary.

And then I'm looking forward to joining my kids for the weekend to spend it with cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents and great-grandparents mostly in the great outdoors. And, that will be wonderful, too.

By then I'll be more than ready to see my kids.



P.S. I entered the pic of Gustin riding his trike in the April photo challenge at iheartfaces.com

"I think you should write." -- Part II

Part I is here.

The crazy thing about this whole idea is: I'm not a writer! In fact, I've always thought writing was one of my weaknesses. I'm the nerdy math and science girl--hence my degree in engineering. Yet, I keep feeling this draw toward writing, this need to learn to express myself through the written word. It's not so much that I have this great talent that I want to share, it's more that learning to write is a journey that I want to embark on. (I just ended that sentence with a preposition. I have so much to learn!) I have this deep need to challenge myself and to learn and grow that I believe endeavoring to learn to write will fulfill.

But, how am I going to learn to write? I don't even know where to start! And, when am I going to do it? I'm a painfully slow writer and can't even attempt it without distraction-free quiet. All of these questions (excuses) have been swirling around in my head for months until I finally voiced them all to Eric. He, of course, had immediate and simple answers to all of them. "You learn to write by doing it," he told me. "So every night, after the kids are all in bed, take thirty minutes and write," he suggested.

Well, it sounds so simple when you put it that way!

So, that's the plan. I have thirty minutes every evening where other responsibilities like laundry or dishes are not allowed to take priority over my writing time, but neither shall frivolous things like facebook, twitter or email. We implemented this plan a few weeks ago and so far it is going well. I'm posting more often on this blog than I have in a very long time and I'm excited that I can be more active on and hopefully grow my blog a bit. I was concerned about being too tired to write in the evening; and, the truth is, most evenings I am tempted to skip it when I'm yawning so ferociously I can hardly see straight. But, I've found that once I force myself to get started, energy seems to come out of nowhere and my brain comes alive. That's exactly what I was hoping for and the entire reason for starting this project!

I also told myself that I need to include a picture with every post to give myself a little encouragement to pick up my camera. I don't know if that part of the plan will continue, mainly because of posts like this one. I don't know if I want to take the time to compose, shoot and edit a picture that exemplifies the theme of "I think you should write." Though it does make me think of an image with a moleskin notebook and a nice black ink pen sitting open near a paned window with soft early morning light pouring in making the fresh, clean pages glow. Oh, well. Maybe one day there will be time for such things. 

But, for now, thanks for sharing this journey with me.

"I think you should write."

Jen Fulwiler at the National Catholic Register recently published an excellent blog post addressed to mothers of young children. She exhorts mothers to put aside all excuses and to thrive, not at some time in the distant future when all the kids are grown, but now, even though we are stretched by the demands of our vocation. Just because we are mothers does not mean that we should stop being ourselves and caring for ourselves; our lives do not stop when our children's begin.

Over the past few months I have been struggling with some of the same ideas. I feel a yearning to do something more, something beyond the day-to-day demands of my vocation. Then I feel guilty for not feeling completely fulfilled by faithfully tending to the needs of my family. But, I feel this need to create, to do something with the gifts God has given me. But, how am I to do that without taking away from my duties as wife and mother in some way? I want to be true to my vocation. I want to be true to me. Do those two different desires have to be in conflict?

At a recent mom's group meeting at my parish we had a wonderful guest speaker, Cathy Garcia-Pratz. I've mentioned her before in a blog post after a presentation she made to the same mom's group last year. This time her time with us was dedicated to only Q&A. During that session I asked her how she balanced being a wife and mother of ten boys with also being a published author of multiple books and a sought after speaker. She didn't answer directly, but instead she related her journey.

Cathy's passion had always been for teaching. Then she married and the babies came quickly. The first two came about a year apart and I think she said they had their first 5 boys in about 5 or 6 years. During that time she solely focused on her rapidly growing family. But, she also felt a deep need to do something for herself. Since she loved teaching she volunteered to teach preschool religious education classes at church for about an hour a week. Slowly that role grew and she was in charge of the entire preschool program. The time she was able to carve out to pursue her passion was limited, especially since they continued to add more precious little boys to their family; but, with the help of her husband, she made sure it happened.

She didn't begin writing books until her youngest son was in preschool, writing furiously during the three hours, three days a week that the house was quiet. One book eventually led to another and to more and more speaking opportunities. Today her youngest is now a senior in high school and she plans to dedicate even more time to writing once her nest is empty.

What I got out of her story is that when the kids are little, time for personal pursuits may be limited, but they should not be non-existent. Both Cathy and her family suffered when she didn't have her own creative outlet. It was not easy for her to get away, even for an hour a week, but together they did what they had to to make it happen.

I also realized that we mother's do have to be patient. We may not have all the time we desire to fulfill our longings, but it won't always be that way. A day will come when time is in abundance. But, we shouldn't give up on our dreams until the nest is empty. Start now, but in small ways that actually enrich the family (by energizing mom) rather than detract from it (by selfishly hoarding time or energy for personal pursuits).

I've been talking with Eric (repeatedly over many months) about this need I feel for a project, something of my own that excites me and gives me energy. I debated doing something more with photography or volunteering or pursuing a hobby like knitting or cross-stitching. Then Eric hit the nail on the head and named the longing of my heart that I had been afraid to speak out loud out of fear of failure.

"I think you should write."

To be continued.

For the love

My mother-in-law is a fabulous gardener. When Eric and I married I had very little knowledge of flower gardening, but I had a deep love of flowers. Over the years, I slowly gleaned some of my mother-in-laws gardening wisdom from a five-minute conversation here, a casually dropped comment there. My efforts in my own garden haven't been nearly as fruitful as Debbie's, but it's a fun hobby and a common interest that has led to a true friendship with my mother-in-law.

The love of flowers is not the only motivation I have to garden. I also have a real passion for photographing them. I love taking pictures of my kids, but nothing fires up my creativity like a patch of flowers, beautiful evening light, and a few minutes of quiet with no other companion than my camera and my 50mm lens. I get lost in the beauty of God's creation and minutes fly by.

Flowers also trigger strong memories for me. When we brought Jonathan home from the hospital our deep pink azaleas were in full bloom; with Elizabeth it was the pale yellow day lilies. A pansy always makes me think of Eric's grandmother who had a particular love for them. And, the flower that I will always associate with my mother-in-law is the zinnia.

Debbie grows them every year and in abundance. She has a long narrow border along a path up to my father-in-law's shop and it is always full to bursting with zinnias. Ever since I got my camera, about three and a half years ago, I've been longing to photograph her flowers. But, we always seemed to be there two early in the season or after the blooms we're dried up and left to make seeds for next year's garden or there was a season when her zinnias just didn't come up very well at all.

But--but!--this year they were still going strong at Thanksgiving when we were in Eric's hometown for the holiday. Add in some beautiful, fall, late-afternoon light and I was in photographer's heaven.

For years I've had a plan to take pictures of Debbie's zinnias and frame a collage of them for her birthday. Finally, this year, I'll be able to do it!

10 surprising things about me

Sweet Shannon tagged me for this fun meme. So, here we go! 10 surprising things about me:

1. In 4th grade I was a part of my little Catholic school's choir (which is amusing because I am a lousy singer!). That year Pope John Paul II came to the U.S. and one of his stops was in San Antonio. Our little choir auditioned and was chosen to sing before the big outdoor papal mass! It was an incredible experience and is my earliest memory of our beloved John Paul the Great.

2. I've mentioned on this blog before that I'm a nerd, but I don't think you all know the extent of my nerdiness. I was valedictorian of my high school class and I graduated from college with a 4.0 in mechanical engineering. Yes, I was the girl with no life who spent her Friday and Saturday nights studying! Actually, that is one of my few regrets. I wish I hadn't spent so much time worrying about grades/scholarships/internships/etc. and instead spent more time building relationships in college.

3. I really enjoy modest fashion and home decorating. At this point in my life I don't have much time to shop for dresses or the money to buy the furniture I drool over in a Pottery Barn catalog, but I really have fun when I do get the chance to go clothes shopping (maybe 2 or 3 times a year!) or when we pick a new paint color for a room.

4. Eric and I have had a dream to live on a few acres in the country since before we were married. I want a huge vegetable garden, an herb garden, a small orchard with a variety of fruit trees, a cutting garden, lots of flower beds, and plenty of room where the kids can run, run, run! Only the Lord knows if or when it will ever happen!

5. I think about baby names all the time. A long time favorite that Eric has always vetoed is the name Jane. I love that it is a plain, simple, no-nonsense name. It also happens to be a saint's name as well as the name of my favorite author (Jane Austen) and my favorite heroine (Jane Eyre). I would so love to have a baby Jane!

6. There is one thing about being open to life that scares me. The idea of having more children isn't too intimidating, though the idea of being pregnant with all the suffering that comes along with that state does make me a little nervous. But my biggest fear is... I don't want to have to drive one of those gigantic vans! Bring on the babies, just don't make me drive a 15 passenger van!

7. I'm not the type of person who gushes over babies. I love my kids dearly, but I don't do baby talk and I don't squeal and go ga-ga over every baby I meet. I've heard women say that they don't know if they are meant to be mothers because they don't gush over other people's babies. I want to set the record straight: Gushing over babies is a personality thing, not a measure of how good a mother you will be.

8. For years I've had a "one day" list. As in, "One day I want to...." On that list was that one day I wanted to take a photography class. Well, I never have taken a class, but I sure am glad that I jumped in and did it anyway! The other things on my "one day" list include learning how to play tennis and the piano. Given what a blessing my photography has been, I think I really need to make doing the rest of my list a priority!

9. My second toe is longer than my big toe.

10. I was diagnosed with scoliosis (curvature of the spine) when I was little, but somehow it corrected itself (which isn't supposed to happen). My dad says that's it's proof that miracles really do happen!

If you guys are up for it, I tag:

Blair at Blair's Blessings
Lillian at Smithflections
Veronica at the little way
Christine at Good Company
Jill even though her blog is private :)

Blackberry picking

Why didn't we do this along time ago?

Growing up in dry West Texas, I only read about people going berry picking in books. The climate simply was not hospitable to berries of any kind. I do remember one time when I was little and we helped my grandmother pick prickly pear fruit for making jelly, but that's a very different experience. We had to use long tongs to pick the fruit to avoid getting stabbed by thorns!



So when we decided to go blackberry picking Saturday morning, it was like a fairytale for me. Even the intense Southeast Texas heat couldn't dampen my spirits! If it hadn't been so hot for the kids, I could have spent hours there just snacking on berries and snapping pictures.



Though we're nearing the end of blackberry season, the bushes were still loaded with plenty of fruit for little fingers to pluck.





Clara hung out in the shade of her stroller.



Even though you can't see her face in this photo, you can tell she is awake and happy because her feet are up in the air. The only time those feet stop moving is when she is asleep!

Jonathan and Elizabeth were on a mission to find the biggest berries.





Look how big and plump some of them got! Can you say, "Yum!"?

The rows of blackberry bushes were edged with huge beds of gorgeous zinnias. Apparently butterflies love zinnias as much as I do because there were dozens of them flitting about. Photographer heaven!



We ended up picking about 15 pounds of berries which we ate fresh, froze, and made into a blackberry crisp and blackberry jam. We're going to be enjoying these berries for a long time to come!